Fictitious Journalism

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Egyptian Fourth Grader Blames Zionists for Homework Mishap

As reported by The Sandmonkey news network:

Ahmed Sherif, a fourth grader in Egypt, went to school this morning without his math homework. When asked why he didn't have his homework, Sherif promptly burst into tears and said, "It was the Jews. They stole my homework when I was on my way to school." Unsure of what to do, the teacher, Mr. Waleed, told Sherif to calm down and gave him some 7-Up. He then asked for a full account of the incident.

"I was walking to school and stopped at a fool stand to buy a sandwich," said Sherif, "when all of a sudden these Jews attacked me and took my math homework. There were about six of them and they were very scary." When asked if that was all they took, Sherif replied, "Yes, they asked for it specifically. 'Where is your math homework?' they asked and I pulled it out for them. One even held my fool sandwich patiently while I got out my homework."

"This is part of a Zionist conspiracy," Mr. Waleed told OFP, "they don't want our children to advance in school. How can they become engineers if they can't do fourth grade math?" Mr. Waleed also added that this was Israel's new strategy to cripple the Middle East. "This is what is has come to, preying on children. Young Ahmed will forever be traumatized by encountering six Jews. We hadn't seen one since the Nasser revolution, except on TV of course, but to be bombarded by six in one day? Oh, the trauma."

It is reported that Egypt plans to investigate the events of the homework-stealing. "Attacking our children in their own neighborhoods is a serious offense," said a spokesperson for the Muslim Brotherhood who refused to be identified, "the Jews have gone too far and we will have to stop them. Homework is a serious business in Egypt. It could cripple the economy since children get their homework done at private lessons. But if they can't be guaranteed to deliver that homework to the classroom they will stop paying for private lessons. It would be a huge economic loss."

"You see how devious the Zionists are?" said taxi driver, Nabil El Masry, "When I heard they are trying to ruin our economy I couldn't believe they would stoop that low. I mean, we know that every day they try to sabotage us. Yesterday it was bird flu and today it is math homework. By God, what is next??"


  • Shit, now people will know that I know you!


    By Blogger The Sandmonkey, at 3:01 AM  

  • you see how our children are genious! maybe the boy had an equation that can be used in nuclear power!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:40 AM  

  • To the core.
    Reminds me of a great childrens book author in Sweden. Astrid Lindgren changed tax laws in Sweden by writing a little story (she had been taxed 102% for some of her earnings :-).

    BTW what is a fool sandwich?

    By Blogger Blogspat, at 5:14 AM  

  • blogspat,

    it's a fava bean sandwich. a cross between kidney and black beans. everyone eats it in egypt, along with falafel (taameya). but apparently the jews don't like it too much. they just like math HW.

    good post :-)

    By Anonymous Fuad, at 5:17 AM  

  • I just can't stop loughing rofl


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:41 AM  

  • Aaaa.. of course...
    Although - If it is a Fava bean it isn't actually a cross between anything. -Not that matters one bit though.

    Back to the main issue.
    I think the Jews actually learnt from the Iranians. The Iranians have been trying to steal the Israeli math HW for years.. In the end it seems as if the Iranians got private lessons from the Pakistanis instead.

    By Blogger Blogspat, at 6:51 AM  

  • Let the rioting begin!

    By Anonymous ViceGrip, at 10:05 AM  

  • What a flop! All the answers were wrong...:)

    By Blogger Solomon2, at 11:27 AM  

  • The Homeworks, oh why do they hate us so!!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:00 PM  

  • Perhaps if you burned all your math books in protest that would show those evil Jews you mean business.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:31 PM  

  • Jews don't like ful?! Blasphemy! I would kill for ful right now! Uh, if you ever make it to Jeruslam (while it's still a part of Israel so you may have to rush) you must have the ful at pinati's on king george street a block off ben yehudah. Just thinking about how much I miss it makes me what to cry...

    It wasn't quite a sandwhich though. More like endless fresh pitas, pickles, peppers and onions to eat with the beans in the center of a humus plate with some olive oil and (silantro was it?) spread about. Damn good stuff.


    By Blogger mnuez, at 11:43 PM  

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you, for the best laugh I've had for ages. Homework is a serious business in Egypt. It could cripple the economy since children get their homework done at private lessons. But if they can't be guaranteed to deliver that homework to the classroom they will stop paying for private lessons. It would be a huge economic loss. This is bang on the nail - not just in Egypt but in Arabia, too. Teachers have to make sure that the classes they give are just bad enough that the slower kiddies have to ask the parents to pay for private lesson, thus guaranteeing some useful spending money during those long holidays.


    Fictitious stories I'd like to see:

    Big Brother House re-opens in Bahrain, but with all-male, all-MB-affiliated housemates.

    Multi-billion Dollar New Dubai Shopping Mall Leaks Like a Sieve in Small Rainstorm
    (Oh - Wait a minute - that one's factual Sorry)

    Saudi Government to Open World's Latest Disneyland in Taif

    Lebanese Male Fashion Show Enjoyed By Colour-Blind Only

    Kuwait's "Road of 1000 Schwarmas" to be renamed

    Aleppo Man Found Guilty of Smiling in Public

    By Anonymous Lehihamra, at 1:55 AM  

  • In the old days, we used to say 'my dog ate it.'

    Today its the Jews - or George Bush - stole my homework.


    By Blogger James Fletcher Baxter, at 12:48 PM  

  • nice blog

    By Anonymous العاب, at 2:49 AM  

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